We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Randomize
