what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
