today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
dude. I can hear the air.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
