just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
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