Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
