Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Randomize
