Can i not drive my cunt home
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
