Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
so much tequila, so little girl.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
