I need help removing her.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
