I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Randomize
