Buhtt sex?
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
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