i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
