i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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