I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
Randomize
