I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
