Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
29 People Confess The Worst Example Of Dirty Talk They’ve Ever Heard
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
21 Women Compare Anal and Vaginal Sex
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night