I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
15 Things That Could NEVER Happen Anywhere But the South
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
15 Times “Flight of the Conchords” Made You Feel Better About Being a Twenty-Something
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.