Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
