My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
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