yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
I cannot find my penis.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?