So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?