Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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