Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
