I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
True college students do jello shots in the library
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