Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
