i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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