i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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