ya dads aren't the best wingmen
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
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