I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
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