her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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