I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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