Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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