Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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