census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
