Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Randomize
