Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
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