He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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