Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
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