I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Randomize
