dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize
