Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
Randomize
