If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
