Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
