hell yes lets make some ravioli
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
we're so committed to being not committed
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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