ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
You have to summon your inner elephant
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
