Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Randomize
