My Higher Power is John Stamos
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
I licked your asshole in confidence.
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