I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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