You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I need to sanitize my soul.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Randomize
