You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
