My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Oh god it's open bar.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Randomize
