when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Too much dab too little lung dying 😵😵😵
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
