When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
