he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
