Pants 0. Shit 1.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
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