Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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