one two three fourrrrnication!
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
