My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
i dont even know how to be here
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
