After last night, I could never be a politician.
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Randomize
