Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
