She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
