When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
