If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I wish there were birth control emojis
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
