I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
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