is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
