She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I have fence marks all over my body
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Randomize
