i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
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