im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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